How NOT to resign from a job

I have recently been helping candidates deal with some sensitive and unique resignation processes.  It is undoubtedly the toughest part of the interview process to help navigate as so many different things can happen.  Especially depending upon how it is all handled by the candidate.  Watching the end of the Ryder Cup coverage yesterday helped crystallize some thoughts for me.

This photo could also go hand in hand with my blog last week titled "You said what?!?".  For those of you that did not watch the Ryder Cup, this was a picture from the press conference after the American team was defeated with ease.  Phil was answering a question about what went wrong over the weekend and how they could do things differently.  With Tom Watson (this year's captain) on the other end of the table, separated by only a few other players, Phil basically outlined everything that he felt Tom did wrong in putting together foursomes and strategy for the competition.

The thing is that much of what he said was pretty good and behind closed doors would likely make sense to everyone on the American team.  The bad news is that instead it seemed like Phil was throwing Tom under the bus on national television for some decisions he didn't agree with.  And today the Twitterverse is filled with opinions and funny quotes about what might have been going through the other players' minds in the extremely tense air of the press conference.

So how does this relate to the resignation process?  In so many ways that I will actually have a hard time whittling it down to a couple of relevant points.  First of all, airing grievances in public is seldom a good idea.  If you had a bad experience with a boss or colleague, lashing out at them during the resignation process is not going to gain you much, if anything.  I even read another blog recently that recommended not even saying anything to HR in the "confidential" exit interview.  Anything  you say may make you feel good for about ten minutes, and then there is a good chance you will regret it from there on out.

Secondly, be sure to take the emotion out of the resignation.  Regardless of whether or not what Phil said is factually correct, to me he said it in the heat of the moment after losing an intense competition.  And getting pretty badly beat as the end result.  I'm sure there are a few of his teammates that would probably have liked to see a few decisions go a different direction.  But they didn't.  The media were looking for an emotional reaction, and they sure got one.  Similarly, if your employer (now ex-employer for all practical purposes) is looking to dig for dirt, make absolutely certain what you share is factual and devoid of emotion as much as possible.

Thirdly, make it short and sweet.  Not only did Phil spend some time at the press conference talking about what happened at the Ryder Cup, he was caught coming off the 18th green and had some similar comments.  Rather than let those air out and be disseminated, he decided to expand on them and it seemed like somewhere his P.R. team or agent was wishing he would stop talking.  All Phil had to do was look to his left and see how uncomfortable Hunter was with his bulging eyes.  It was the same all the way down with the other players' expressions.  When resigning it has to be clear to everyone in the room that something wasn't right with the company or the job.  Otherwise you wouldn't be having the discussion.  So why focus on that?  Instead focus on wishing everyone nothing but the best and emphasize the positive reasons you are looking forward to the move.

Lastly, always be a professional.  In a somewhat unrelated moment just before this Phil Mickelson moment the broadcasters were asking a popular (and former) European golfer (Darren Clarke) about his thoughts on the Ryder Cup this year.  They also asked him about his desire to sometime captain a future team.  His answer was perfect.  He said you have to be asked.  It is not something you lobby for, ask for, or hint at.  It is either going to happen because of what he has done or it is not.  When you're leaving a job and they ask what you what could have been done differently to keep you as an employee, why answer that with all kinds of input they likely won't ever take to heart.  Again, look to my third point to make it short and sweet.  No need to say doubling your salary, doubling your staff, or doubling the size of your office would have been enticing.  Because it is not happening.  :-)

Have you ever had a resignation go badly because you were drawn into the emotion of the situation?  Or been tempted to and held your tongue?  I would love as always to hear your stories in the hope that it might help someone else who is about to resign and having questions or doubts.

You said what?!?

We all have experienced those moments where we wish we could take back something we said.  Or perhaps someone else says something so outrageous that you wish the "rewind" button on your TiVo would work in real life.  Maybe you have even cringed lately while watching any of the news surrounding the NFL crises or something in Hollywood and you wonder if these people regret anything that is taken out of context from an interview.  Bottom line is that it happens.  So how do you react?

In my job I hear stories from all angles of something that was said in an interview situation or general conversation with a candidate or client about an opening.  Sometimes it is comical and a tipping point in a good way.  Other times it is so bad that it completely kills the conversation.  And even occasionally it borders on illegal or unethical.

One of the classic ways to head down a bad path of saying something you regret is when discussing former employers.  Recently I had a candidate find out that the hiring manager who was interviewing him shared a common former employer.  Taking the opportunity to "dish some dirt" he began a rant about the people he didn't like, the bad working conditions, a terrible boss, and much more.  What he didn't realize at the time was that there was a personal connection to this former employer and she did not necessarily leave on bad terms.  Needless to say it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Another common mistake is talking too much about current events in the media or world around us.  Like George Carlin's "Seven words you cannot say on TV", we all know the 3-4 topics to avoid in an interview or work situation.  But I would argue there are many more than that.  Instead of focusing on whether or not everyone in the room agrees on the fall TV line-up or the recent news from Washington, focus on whether or not the candidate can do the job and if the culture is right for the candidate.

Vulgar language is yet another common problem in interview situations.  I have seen all spectrums from employers that curse in an interview just to see how candidates react to situations that become obscenity-laden in short order.  This becomes awkward if there are more than a couple of people in the room.  I was recently in a meeting myself with a client and there were four people in the room.  One of the hiring managers let go a couple of F-bombs and the air went right out of the room.  It took about five minutes for everyone to take a breath and recover.  It's not like we hadn't heard that word before, but it was in poor taste and bad overall context.

Lastly, be careful what you say when mentioning someone by name.  It is a small world out there after all and you can never afford to be caught saying something bad about someone else.  It could be a vendor partner, a competitor, a former colleague, an old boss, or anyone else you have been associated with professionally.  In the age of Facebook, Twitter, Glassdoor, and many other sites, it is incredibly easy to go down this path.  But you will eventually get caught in your words and it seldom ends up well.  Just like your grandmother always used to say, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

So what is the best course of action if you say something inappropriate or witness it in an interview situation?  If you are the one to say something, be sure you own it.  Maybe even apologize right there in the moment.  It can happen to the best of us, but ignoring it will not make it go away.  And if it happens to you, try to extend grace but don't feel like you have to make excuses for someone else.  Talking that way could be a pattern, and just like I encourage you to own it, they should as well.  If they do not, then it may be best to move on.

How to resolve conflict in an interview

Have you ever been in an interview (on either side of the desk) and faced conflict?  Perhaps an uncomfortable conversation about something that happened in the past.  Perhaps it was a recent job change that is questioned.  Maybe even something in your personal life comes up in the course of the interview and presents an awkward moment.

Imagine the five people in this picture are just wrapping up an interview and trying to determine if the candidate is right for the job.  Likely a little extreme, but smaller battles are waged all the time when considering candidates for a critical role within the organization.  So how to move past the bottleneck of conflict and find a happy place?

The very first thing that must happen is admitting that on some level the conflict resolution will not make all parties happy.  Sometimes candidates will be hired that are not unanimous decisions.  Occasionally you may even get it wrong.  Having that idea present at the beginning of the journey to resolution will make the path much less frenetic.  The key to this concept working is having professional respect for everyone that has skin in the game for the hire.

You also have to embrace conflict as it occurs.  Most people have a tendency to avoid conflict altogether.  Try to take the conversation in another direction.  Think of a clever way to distract your audience.  That seldom works unless you are a master communicator or even better actor.  If there is a tough interview question or moment where things seem to go off the rails, face it head on.

Next you should try to take emotion out of the conversation.  Keep it simple, Sam.  Make sure your talking points are objective, direct, and based on fact.  I have seen too many employers make rash decisions (both good and bad) based on emotion alone, and that is dangerous.  Or candidates react too strongly to something that happens during the course of an interview or shortly thereafter.  This oftentimes happens when an employer promises to have feedback within a certain amount of time and that deadline is missed.  Candidates tend to over-react and get angry.  Once that happens you are already in a bad place and have to claw your way out of that disappointment.

Finally, you should learn to enjoy conflict on some level.  There is conflict in every job, every employer, and every team of professionals.  If you can't find a way early on to work through those conflicts, you are doomed to an unpleasant existence if and when you do get the job.  You must learn to work together to accomplish greater things, and it could very well start with the interview.  Getting through some tough questions or case studies could help show your true colors as a team player and valuable prospective employee.  Why wouldn't you want the hiring manager/team to know that?

The bottom line is that conflict exists.  How are you going to resolve that conflict in an interview WHEN it arises, not IF.......

How to achieve an "A for effort" in an interview

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "You get an A for effort"?  I know I usually think of something that was a good attempt but did not yield the desired result.  Which probably makes you wonder why I would blog about that as something to try for in an interview situation.

This one is pretty simple, however, if you really break it down.  It is the principle of the matter.  Why in the world would you go and interview for a job if you were only going to give a 50-60% effort?  Or as an employer why would you interview a candidate and only be slightly engaged?  Yet I see it all the time.  When de-briefing with candidates and companies alike I hear story after story of an interview that just didn't really seem to go anywhere.  To make it worse we even hear about people who give up on an interview mid-way through.  It is evident to all parties and just leaves a bad taste in the mouth of everyone involved.

Here are three additional reasons why it is a good idea to always give the best effort possible:

1)  Anyone in the room could be your boss some day.  While this could seem like stretch, it really isn't.  Just imagine with me for a second that you don't like the company culture, but you really like the hiring authority.  You don't get that particular job, but six months later that hiring authority changes employers and goes to work for a company you have always wanted to work for.  I guarantee you that hiring authority held onto your information if you left a good impression.  Or even crazier, think if someone in the room that you thought would simply be a prospective colleague gets a promotion three months after you accept a job with that company.  Again, if you gave the best effort during the interviews this person may now be an immediate advocate to your career progression.

2)  You may get another job that wasn't even available at the initial interview.  In other words you come in to interview for a particular job, it gets filled internally, but you nailed the interview.  Another position pops up down the road, and you are the first person they think of because they loved you the first time but timing simply didn't work out.  This actually happened to a friend of mine right after both of us got out of college.  I went to work for a company in a role that my buddy interviewed for and didn't take.  On my second day of work something occurred where another opening was created.  They called my friend after not talking to him for six months, offered him a job on the spot, and he literally started the next day.

3)  You may be meeting with someone that has great influence on the process.  This one is a little more complicated, so stick with me as I unpack the idea.  You get an agenda to meet with five different people at a prospective employer - one hiring manager, one HR person, and three people on the team.  Conventional wisdom may tell you to focus on the person with the most influence.  Commonly thought to be the hiring manager.  But what if one of the team members is the daughter-in-law of the president of the company and her opinion matters a lot when it comes to final hiring decisions?  Even if this seems a bit far-fetched, why not go into the interview with the concept of impressing everyone equally because you just never know.

There is no reason why you shouldn't go into an interview with the sole purpose of being memorable.  You may not always get the job.  You may not always impress the interview panel.  The employer may not always knock the socks off of the candidate considering employment with the organization.  But if the absolute worst case scenario is everyone can agree you gave maximum effort, that seems like a very solid target to shoot for every single time.

How to avoid dumping cold water on your search

We have all seen pictures or videos about the Ice Bucket Challenge, and it got me thinking about my blog for this week.  By the way, be sure to check out Capstone's Facebook page for video of our challenge from last Friday.  The boys raised more money than the girls and had the privilege of dumping giant Rubbermaid containers filled to the brim with ice cold water on them.  Talk about team building.......

I have countless stories of candidates and employers who have dumped the proverbial bucket of ice water on themselves to completely kill the momentum in an interview process or general job search.  Follow these simple tips to avoid doing it in your own search:

1)  Talking poorly about a former colleague or employer.  Most people think this isn't a big deal, especially if the hiring manager brings something up first.  But it is never, ever a good idea to jump on that train and go for a ride.  Sometimes it can even be a trap.  If an astute interviewer knows something about a former employer they may ask a leading question to see what comes up.  Or throw out a jab themselves.  It is far better to take the high road 100 times out of 100.

2)  Sharing inappropriate stories from the past.  If the hiring manager begins talking about last year's tailgate parties for your football team, it is best to just listen and not over-share on your end.  It is fine to root for common teams and that can actually prove to be a good tipping point in some conversations.  But it crosses the line when you start mentioning things that could be deemed inappropriate for the workplace.  Especially if you are in a group interview setting.  It is quite possible others in the group don't want to hear about your pre-game shenanigans.  It could very likely reflect poorly on you.

3)  Talking too much.  I just had this happen last week with an interview.  On paper the candidate was perfect for the job.  It was the final stage in the process and the candidate had already impressed several people on the team.  The sales leader was the final say in the hire, and the candidate simply said too much.  Never asked a single question about the sales leader's background, the company, their process, or anything related to the job.  Simply spoke and spoke and spoke and spoke about them self.  Game over.

4)  Being unprepared.  Unfortunately I had a candidate show up to an interview (that we had prepped them for) only to say she had no idea what job she was interviewing for.  As you can imagine that did not get the conversation off on the right foot.  And we heard about it from the employer.  The interview lasted about fifteen minutes and the candidate couldn't believe that she wasn't invited back for another conversation.

Have you ever dumped cold water on an interview?  Or seen it happen from the other side of the table as an employer/hiring manager?  I would love to hear your stories!

Connecting with your past to help your job search

In an age where the future is talked about more than the past, I had a reminder this weekend that looking back can sometimes provide good perspective as well.  This weekend marked the 20-year anniversary of my high school graduation, and the picture attached is of the float our class put together for our town parade.

One of the first classmates I connected with came all the way from Wyoming to attend.  I asked what he did for a living out there and ironically he works in the insurance industry.  Fun fact for an insurance recruiter, eh?  As the day wore on I re-connected with a few more old friends that are also in the insurance industry.  It made me wonder how many people in my past from high school, college, and my early working years are tied to the industry that I work in on a daily basis.

Then I got to thinking how this could be valuable advice for anyone in a job search or considering a job change.  It is one of those "no duh" moments where you may have had the idea cross your mind at some point, but perhaps you didn't do something about it.  Here are three practical times during a job search where it might make sense to connect with your past:

1)  Before.  As you consider a career change, why not tap into the network you know well to see if there are others doing what you are considering.  Or maybe they are working at an employer you would have on your target list.  These are people that could help open a door.  Or be good to know once you engage in an active interview process.

2)  During.  When a company is large, it may be tough to name drop during an interview to see if the hiring manager or HR contact knows Bob Smith.  There could be a dozen Bob Smiths that work at the company.  But how many times do people go to work for a new company and THEN realize a neighbor or an old friend works in a department that is just down the hallway.  Don't wait until it is too late to take advantage of a possible recommendation or valuable insight regarding the company.

3)  After.  If someone helped you make a connection or introduction, aided during the job search, or was directly involved with getting you hired, be sure and thank them.  Get connected on LinkedIn, Facebook, and anywhere else you can to continue to keep in touch.  You may be able to return the favor some day or even have that connection continue to help your career progression down the road.  A good connection is always a good connection.

Seems pretty basic, right?  Unfortunately the basics are often overlooked during a search because people charge forward 100 MPH and try to go through the brick walls instead of finding creative ways to get around or over them.  And if your experience is anything like mine was this weekend you just might have some fun along the way going down memory lane!

When to withdraw from an interview

For those of you that are not golf fans, Tiger Woods had to withdraw from competition yesterday at a golf tournament when he was only nine holes from completing his weekend rounds.  Even if you are not a golf fan, you probably know Tiger and realize that he had to be in pain to do that.  I believe he played seven holes after his back started bothering him because he is such a competitor.  But couldn't go on after his tee shot on the ninth.

Tiger didn't really want to talk about his decision to withdraw immediately after as he remained in considerable pain.  It will certainly be talked about for some time to come and eventually he will provide a little more explanation.  Unlike the heavy media spotlight on a well known athlete like Tiger, oftentimes candidates withdraw from an interview process with hardly anyone noticing.  With that in mind, when is the right time to remove yourself from consideration as a candidate?

There are many answers to this question, but I want to talk about a few of the most common ones we encounter.  The first is when a candidate is interviewing with multiple companies and receives an offer from one of them.  As obvious as this might seem to be the right time to withdraw from other interviews, we see candidates not do it.  Sometimes they want to receive multiple offers if possible.  Other times they simply fail to tell other employers.  In my opinion, however, you should always be up front and honest when you get to that point in the process so that everyone is aware of your availability.

The second time we see withdrawal from an interview is when something unexpected happens.  A large bonus is received.  A promotion with a current employer occurs.  A personal situation changes a candidate's availability to continue an interview.  Communication is key here as you want to be sure you are on top of what you are saying should you want to keep your foot in the door later.  I have seen multiple times where something occurs to delay an interview, only to fire back up again later.  So this withdrawal is one with a possible tail and should be treated differently.

Thirdly we see candidates bow out of an interview when something doesn't go quite right.  This is one that bothers me quite a bit if not handled properly.  This is when a candidate finds out something about a prospective employer from a friend or acquaintance in the industry that has something bad to say about an employer.  I always think that is a slippery slope as it could be hearsay or rumor instead of truth.  Another example is when a candidate meets with five people and one of them doesn't leave the best impression.  That blows up the entire interview for the candidate and the employer is left scratching their head.

Lastly, I see candidates withdraw simply because they get cold feet.  They start their conversation with me ready to walk out on their current employer with a 24-hour notice.  Then they start interviewing, have second thoughts, and simply give up on the interview process.  This is not a good way to withdraw.  If you had reasons for leaving originally, those reasons will likely not go away.  Then when you call me or the employer back in six months when things continue to get worse, it could seem like the proverbial boy crying wolf if you aren't too careful.

I have intentionally outlined a few good and few bad examples of withdrawal to engage in conversation.  Really try to make you think about when the "right" time is ever to withdraw from an interview process.  It is usually a moving target, but the key always comes down to communication.  Being open and honest will create valuable dialogue.  Especially when engaged with a third party recruiter.  At some point you have to trust that your best interests are in mind when given advice.  Perhaps you will re-consider this idea of when to withdraw in the future after reading this blog.

As always, I love to hear reader feedback and real life stories if you have them related to this blog topic!